dmv - gauge, january 2000
words: smith
music: wiemeyer/cook

well i found my new home
and drove out to the dmv
to reregister my truck
and cruise away in happy glee
so i parked outside
and headed to their dreary keep
took my place in line with all of the other sheep

about twelve hours later made it up to the clerk
little bespeckled fellow with a facial tick quirk
little man looked up at me and with a small tiny look
twisted smile crossed his face as he said
"did you being your checkbook?"

tyranny at the dmv
those greedy parasitic fucking bugs
want more money from me
two months' paycheck and they ain't done yet
they'll take every freaking penny
they think they can get

so i paid my fee but they wanted more
i said what's this damn seven hundred dollar charge for
and the man looked at me and through his tiny teeth said
"it's cause you're out of state and you're driving a ford"

well i should have smashed him then
cause he is a bureaucrat
and them bureaucrats ain't worth the meal that i just shat
but i had an idea, said hey, i’m exempt
didn’t have a job last month and my truck is for rent

well he looked up at me as if I got him in a trap
he said "that may be true i’ll be right back"
he returned with a tome about three feet thick
started leafing through pages
i started feeling sick

finally found what he was looking for
and said it was true
"you just saved fifty bucks if your truck ain't blue
or red or white or black or beige or mauve or tan
or peach or cream or green or gray or pink or puce"

what the hell is your fucking deal
why bother with the paperwork why not just steal
the sycophantic leech he led me to snap
got a gunrack in my truck said i’ll be right back

tyranny at the dmv
they won’t get another pillowbiting penny from me
got a twelve gauge a forty-five and a pocket full of lead
gonna paint this whole filthy pisshole rattrap red

alec smith authored this cute little nugget of anger with andy wiemeyer& justin cook after reregistering his truck in colorado. around the time the planning for gauge was getting underway, he moved to texas and had to reregister his truck again. then, right in the middle of recording dmv, he sold his truck and bought a new one, and had to register that. then, right around the time dmv was being finished, he moved to california, and had to reregister his truck - again - at a cost of around $800. on the heels of this he left meb a snarling voicemail about how 'life imitates art', which unfortunately was lost before it could be mp3-ed.

it was a matter of idle speculation how long it would take someone to mention 'columbine' and 'dmv' in the same paragraph. happily, we now know the answer - hardly any time at all. seven days in burlington, vermont interrupted an otherwise favorable review to mention that "the hint of a columbine-style bloodbath" was "tasteless" and "not much fun to listen to".

joe capps didn't like the shotgun at his studio, either.

one of many trucks: meb's 1981 chevy at poker hill during the gauge sessions, carrying payload of justin's drum gear and a keg.